Face Off
by not magical me
Summary: Percy comes home one summer to find Gabe in his living room and the Olympians watch because of Hephaestus fiddling with stuff again.


It had been a long summer. Percy was tired from the long train ride on uncomfortable seats, and he felt like he was being watched. He had look uneasily over his shoulder many a time on the way home before he put it down to his good friend paranoia. He smiled when he saw that his house looked the same as ever, right down to the broom with the cracked handle on the porch. He never could get around to sweeping the porch, and it showed. He noted idly that the lawn was overgrown, but his mother did work quite a lot now, and usually came home only wanting to sleep. He grinned, happy to be home, and ran up the steps, about to walk inside when he glanced at his shoes and saw that his mother would have a fit if he tracked in mud. So, rolling his eyes at how neat he was being, he wiped his shoes on the step and twisted the door knob. Only to be hit with a smell so strong he doubled over and fell on his knees. "That I could have lived without smelling." he gasped. Then he went inside, holding his nose. "Hey mom! I'm home! What's dead? It's a little dark in here..." he squinted as he left the hall for the living room. The TV was the only light. And the mountain of flesh in front of it was the only ugly thing in the room, except for the cigarette the mountain was holding (one of those really anoying author's notes/ smoking is bad for you, kiddies.), and the empty boxes of food around it. So that was what smelled. "You're still here, brain boy? That'll have to be fixed." the man spat out, not turning from the TV. "Gabe? but... you're supposed to be, like, cement...in an art museum... almost a million miles away..." he said, after getting over (for the most part) the initial shock of seeing someone he despised and had thought was solid rock sitting in his living room. Then his tone went icy cold. "You just can't seem to get it through your head, can you? I'll try to say this slowly with as few syllables as possible so I don't confuse you. You. Are. Not. Welcome. In. This. House." Gabe yawned and said lazily, "that's not what your mother says, brain boy. HEY! GET IN HERE AND SET YOUR BRAT STRAIGHT!" and then Percy's mother entered the room.

On Mt. Olympus

Zeus had just wrapped up something incredibly important and beyond my abilities to really care, when Hephaestus stood up and said, "With permission, I'd like to show you all something I think you will find interesting." at Zeus' curious nod, Hephaestus pressed one of the many small buttons on his chair and sat back as a large flat screen flipped up from where it had been camouflaged in the table. Hephaestus smirked at Zeus who was shaking his head, exasperated, then pressed another button when all the immortals could see well enough. Footage from a tiny screen embedded in the window of Percy's house started playing. When he went inside, the camera twisted itself impossibly so they could see him for every second. Several beautifully sculpted eyebrows went up when the eyes below them saw Gabe, and Poseidon leapt to his feet angrily. When Hephaestus realized that this was probably something personal that they shouldn't see, he started frantically hitting buttons on his chair, trying to cut the signal. But all that happened was a beeping noise and a tinny, mechanical voice that said, "Problem X314-9 has been detected. Program not responding." he paled, and made a mental note to do daily checks on every piece of technology he had out there, just as Percy finished being shocked. Many of the immortals, mostly the females, gasped when Sally came in, and Poseidon let out a roar that caused an earthquake in Nebraska, swearing in ancient Greek. His former love was covered in bruises, and he was NOT happy with this, this, THING. Gabe had better stay out of the water.

In fact, if Gabe got married, it would not be a pleasant divorce, promised Hera silently.

The man had better stay off of planes as well, said Zeus to himself.

If the man ever got lost in a wood, wild, rabid, HUNGRY dogs would somehow find him, vowed Artemis.

Several other gods made threats as well, unheard, and there were so many things Gabe should probably avoid for his health that he would probably die within a week.

You should hear what Hades said. There's going to be a special pair of underwear, just for Gabe.

With Percy

Percy's mother had a bad limp, what looked like cigarette burns all over her arms, one of which she had tried to bandage, and her face and limbs were covered in bruises and cuts. She winced every time she breathed, like a few of her ribs might be broken. Percy stared at her, assessing and reassessing the damage, and something snapped. "Get. Out." he said, turning to Gabe. "This is the last warning. Maybe if you go now I won't kill you." Gabe snorted, and some of his beer spilled on the floor. "In case you haven't noticed, kid, I'm bigger, stronger, and smarter." he pointed at his head for emphasis. Percy grinned in a way that could have scared off Hades... who did, in fact, shudder, even in the safety of the conference room. Percy took a few steps forward, "Do we play with weapons or do you want to try to hurt each other like civilized people?" again, Gabe snorted. "I don't have a weapon. Let's do this clean. It won't keep you from losing." Percy raised an eyebrow, muttering so quietly that Gabe couldn't hear, and the camera barely picked it up, "Come on Ares, say it with me, forgive and forget, forgive and forget..."

On Mt. Olympus

"Shut up, Poseidon, I want to hear." said all the gods automatically, eyes practically glued to the screen. Still mumbling curses, he sat down. Most of the Olympians snorted when Gabe did his little 'bigger and stronger and smarter, oh my!' thing. THEY knew what kind of training their children received. At the grin that followed this, Hades shuddered, as promised, and shifted uneasily in his chair. "That made a whole lot of sense." Zues commented drily, after the Percy on the screen finished his offer of weapons or no weapons. His relatives quickly shushed him. Ares sighed when his family looked at him. He considered it for a while. "JUST this ONE time. He'd better look out later." the family turned as one back to the screen without acknowledging his sacrifice. Ares was a bit miffed at first, until he realized that he had missed half the fight. He had tuned in just in time to see Percy finish beating seven colors of a four letter word that I don't want to put in a k+ fic out of Gabe. (HAH! I bet you thought I was gonna make a fight scene!) Hade's eyes got big, and he started to suck his thumb as-**HEY! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!** But it's so much funnier that way! _**I have to say, I agree with the author.**_** Poseidon, you are SUCH a suck up. **_**No, I just like not looking like an idiot when my turn comes around.**_ GUYS GUYS! Break it up, no slap fights in this fic! Hades, don't make me do something you'll regret. Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't worry, this won't hurt. Too much. Me. **Was that supposed to be comforting? **... Hades' eyes got big, and he started to suck his thumb as he realized how easily that could have been him.** HEY! **_**SHUT UP HADES!**_ SHUT UP HADES! **GRRRR...** on with the story!

Ares started to grin as Percy finished up. Poseidon looked a bit put out. I could have done it so much better, he thought sadly. What a waste. Hephaestus was still poking buttons, but not so frantically and he was watching the show as well.

With Percy

" Mom?" he asked, turning to her. She was smiling, "I guess a I needed a little help after all." she said, still grinning at him. He looked down at Gabe, picked up an arm, and dragged him out the door onto the lawn. Having dumped Gabe onto the grass, he kicked him in the head and retreated into the dark house. "Hey Mom?" he said, flicking on a light. She was lying down on the shabby couch, holding her forehead, but she looked up at the sound of his voice. "Just lie down for a bit, I'll take care of dinner." She immediately stood and followed him into the greasy kitchen. "If you're going to cook, it can't be classified as 'dinner.'" she teased lightly. "Hey! I'm not that bad!" Percy protested indignantly. She looked at him incredulously. "You were ten. It was frozen pizza. The microwave exploded." "That was AGES ago..." Percy said feelingly. "Five years old. Cereal. I was mopping the floor for an hour." "I can't believe you actually remember that." Percy said sulkily. "And that milk was heavy." "Age of eight. Toast. The stove AND the toaster blew up. I'm still not sure how you blew up the stove, come to think of it..." "Yeah, well..." Percy scowled, realizing he couldn't win that one. "You were nine. You were slicing cheese. You almost cut off your finger, and you were using a butter knife!" "That knife had it in for me." Percy said, leaning on the counter. "Do you want me to keep going? I've got more." Helen said, staring meaningfully at him, "I'm not sure what you seem to have against toasters, but, geez, you went through them like baby teeth." "How does pizza sound?" Percy asked brightly. "It sounds great, I'm going to go lie down." Said his mother smoothly. Shaking his head, Percy called a pizza parlor. After he ordered the pizza, he cursed the man who answered the phone for speaking so loudly he had to hold the phone away from his ear, for how he kept saying; wouldn't you prefer…., and for being so slow, and for the terrible service general. And Percy quickly denied saying anything, to his mother who had hollered "PERSEUS! You had BETTER not have said what I think you said!" and casually called 911, without even having to look at the buttons on the phone "Hello? What is your emergency?" a calm voice asked. Letting panic into his voice, he replied "I'm at (insert address here), and there's this man outside my house! He's laying on his back, he's pretty beat up, could you get someone here soon? My mom says we shouldn't move him, his arm is broken." " Alright, we'll send an ambulance. Don't hang up." in a few minutes he heard the howls of sirens and said into the phone, "I can hear them, can I hang up now?" "Yes, it was good talking to you." they hung up.

On the Mountain on top of the big building in New York.

The Olympians were completely silent as Hephaestus finally, too late, managed to cut the connection. Oh, yes some of the mighty olympians cracked a smile at the way his mother had 'persuaded' him not to cook, and at how quickly he had denied the cursing to his mother, although most of them privately thought he shouldn't have known those words, and looked sideways at Athena, who had made up the language. Then Athena said, grudgingly, "That was pretty well handled. For a son of barnacle breath." Artemis looked exasperated. "Oh, you just don't want to admit that the kid is smart. But seriously, I don't see why you can't just apologize to each other and get over this stupid feud. Does Athens even really matter anymore? Seeing as neither of you live anywhere near there." both of the fuming immortals stared at her. Then they looked at each other, and back at her. "Yeah, RIGHT!" Artemis rolled her eyes. Then Poseidon murmured thoughtfully, "actually, peace doesn't sound so bad... Except, of course, I refuse to apologize to that goody two shoes."

"WHAT did you just call me, sushi?" Athena asked threateningly. Olive trees everywhere seemed to shudder in fury, but Athena looked calm. Zeus eyed them both nervously as Hawaii suffered a massive tidal wave. "I rightfully called you a goody two shoes, niece dear," Poseidon answered. Athena glared, and the potted olive tree next to her fell, spilling dirt everywhere, and shattering the delicate pottery.

Artemis slid out the door, shaking her head in disgust as Poseidon flooded New Orleans. When they started shouting, Zeus had had enough and began shouting too. Ares started laughing, and then they all started shouting at him.

At that point, the others gleefully joined in, shouting happily at old enemies.

Fin.

If you really like it, you know what you must do.


End file.
